


Honeymoon's over

by Gen60



Category: 50 Shades of Grey - E. L. James, Fifty Shades of Grey - All Media Types
Genre: 50 Shades of Grey References, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Drama & Romance, F/M, Inspired by 50 Shades of Grey, Light BDSM, Redemption, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-01-11 08:12:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18426561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gen60/pseuds/Gen60
Summary: Christian still has strong craving a submissive. Ana is reluctant to comply. Can their love survive?





	1. Chapter 1

After the Honeymoon Christian slowly started to back to his dominant ways. I started to become increasingly unhappy with my newlywed life. It was not what I thought it would be. I thought that the feeling of lust and butterflies would not go away but I was wrong.

"There you are" Christian said as he came around the corner into the kitchen "I was calling you didn't you hear me he asked?"

"Sorry I was just thinking!" I said with a slight smile trying to hide my unhappiness

"Anything that you care to share?" He asked with curiosity

"Not really" I said passively

He looked very displeased, but I also found him hard to read at times. I just wanted him to drop the subject and move on. He wrapped his strong arms around my waist pulling me close to him. Noticed him sneaking a peak down my low-cut shirt.

"I want you in the playroom" He said with need in his voice

"I'm a bit tired, can it wait?" I asked hoping that he would be more understanding.

"Don't start this now" He said angrily "I have given you the world the least you could do is fuck me"

"OK!" I said taking a deep breath trying to hide my feelings.

I wasn't feeling it at the moment but maybe I could make the best of it, this won't last all night. At least it usually doesn't. As I followed him to the playroom I felt a sense of relief as we were the only one's home. I hated it when he whisked me to the playroom with housekeeping personnel as an audience it was so embarrassing. Christian seemed fine with it though. We entered the playroom and I could see that he had set up the handcuffs, blindfolds and butt plugs on the red satin sheets in a meticulous row.

"Butt Plugs?" I cried in fear "I asked you to take that out of the contract"

"The contract that you never signed" He grinned

"I don't feel comfortable with this" I stated making my feeling known

"Ana, I want you to try and work with me here. It's important for both of us to be happy in this marriage. I didn't get married to you to have Missionary sex once a day. I have needs and those needs need to be respected" He explained in his usual calm voice.

I was scared. I thought after wedding that he was a changed man. That's what he said. I had only been married for a few months and I already felt trapped. Tears started to well up my eyes.

"Please!" I begged "I really don't want to"

"you like me when I'm showering you in money but when I ask for something the answer is no" He yelled angrily "I thought that you were different"

"I am Christian, I love you and I know that you love me" I cried trying to breathe "I know that none of your submissive's has loved you the way I have"

"You know this for sure?" He asked sounding doubtful. "Remember that I chose you over everyone don't make me regret that decision"

I know that he wasn't always like this but I always felt scared when he became threatening. He hasn't hit me, but I was just waiting for it to happen. Without another word I started to take my shirt off. I stifled back a cry as I pulled my jeans down to my knees, feeling very defeated.

"Thank you Ana!" He said with a sigh

He started to gently run his hands over my naked breasts, He made his way down to my vagina as he crawled on top of me.

"Ana" He breathed seductively in my ear "Why aren't you wet?"

I closed my eyes trying to escape into my mind. I didn't want Christian to be upset with me. I started to get get moist as I dreamed about Christian and I on our honeymoon in Paris. He was so handsome, sexy and kind. I could not get enough of that Christian. I wanted that Christian.

"That's my girl!" He started to massage my anus. I felt warm, hard piece of plastic being wedged in there. It felt very uncomfortable to me.

"Purple!" I said trying to use my safe word. He suddenly stopped.

"I haven't even started yet" he said annoyed "Get the fuck out of here, I don't want to see you right now" he yelled.

I retreated to the bedroom that he had reserved for all his submissive's. I found some warm pj's and crawled into bed. I felt scared, disgusted and unloved. He had become angrier and more aggressive towards me when I didn't share his drive to explore BDSM with him. I started to feel that he felt more fulfilled before when he had women at his beckon and call. I tried to explain to him that I could not live my life that way. I felt sick to my stomach. I needed to call mom. She always knew what to say to make me feel better. I got up out of bed to get my cell phone from our bedroom. He was lying in the middle of the bed, stretched out.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" He said "I told you I didn't want to see you right now"

"I just want my phone" I said with confidence.

"Who are you calling?" He asked "I don't need anyone knowing about our issues"

"I want to call my mom" I said walking away briskly

I heard him get up out of the bed. I started to run to the spare room.

"I want that phone" He yelled

"No!" I cried

I slammed the door and locked it. Taking a deep breath I moved toward the bed and sat down.

"Ana! I want that phone!" he yelled from outside the door "Do you really want your mother knowing what goes on in the Red Room?"

"You are scaring me Christian" I stuttered as my eyes started to well up with tears.

I knew Christian's insatiable need for domination extended to all aspects of his life as well as mine. Silence! He was calling the cell phone company to have my phone cut off. I knew that I had to make my call quick.

"Mom!" I cried on the phone

"What's wrong honey? You seem really upset?"

"I want to come home" I said

"Is he not treating you well? He seems like such a nice, kind and well put together man. If you need to come home, do it. Marriage is hard and it happened so fast for you"

"I know" I said through tears "I don't know if I want to be married anymore"

The phone dropped signal mid-sentence.

I went over to the door and prompted a wooden chair against it so that Christian could not come in. I went to lay in bed, but I was too upset to sleep. I rolled around trying to get comfortable for the next hour. Praying for rest, but my body would not allow it.

Suddenly, I heard the chime of a new message coming into an email box coming from the closet. I followed the sound. I found an older purple MacBook, sitting in a duffel bag. I pulled it out, to see what was in the mailbox.

I opened the computer, a background of an unfamiliar brunette in her 20's with Christian in a fancy restaurant smiling. Christian told me he didn't like to go out. I opened the email. It was Christian.

Ana

I'm sorry for how I reacted. Please let me make it up to you

I love you. I want every part of you even the deviant parts.

Please don't leave me!

I will be waiting for you in the kitchen.

Love Christian

At first I didn't want to go to the kitchen. I didn't want to face Christian. It was late and I knew that I had to have a fresh face to go to work tomorrow morning. I toyed with the idea for about 10 mins then went over to the door and took the chair from under the doorknob and set it aside. I slowly unlocked the door and peered down the hallway. Nothing! I left my cell in the room and walked down the hallway making my way to the kitchen. I saw Christian Sitting at the kitchen table. He turned around and a smile crept across his face.

"Ana!" He said relieved "I knew you would come"

"I still don't want to do the Butt Plug stuff" I said trying to hold my ground

"You don't have to" He said with a worried expression

He pushed my hair from my eyes.

"You've been crying" He stated "Can I make you a tea?"

"Sure" I said reluctant to take my guard down

Christian and I chatted about the fight in the kitchen, then went to bed. We were both tired. He rolled over to my side to spoon me. It felt good for some odd reason.

I woke up the next day feeling exhausted. I had to go to work, I had important clients coming today. I didn't feel like going but I knew that work was the perfect distraction. I quickly showered and got ready. Christian always left before me so I had the house to myself. I dressed in a Black dress that came just above my knees with a pair of 2" black heels to match. I grabbed the keys and went to my car.

When I arrived at work I quickly made my way to my office. Hannah asked if I wanted coffee but I declined. I decided that I would prepare for my first meeting with the seasoned author I had chosen. Surprisingly, no one asked me what was wrong. What a relief. I decided to call Kate while I waited for my first meeting.

"Hey! How has marriage been treating you?" she said enthusiastically "I saw the pictures from the honeymoon, it looked amazing"

"Kate?" I asked with hesitation "I need you to do something for me?"

"Anything you need" She said with Assurance

"I want to go to see my mom but I don't think that Christian will approve can you drive me?" I asked

"Why would he not want you to visit your mom?" She asked

"Well, he didn't say that he didn't approve. We just have been fighting lately and I just need a break. I will call him to tell him where I am when I get there I just know that Christian will start ordering security detail if I tell him I'm going to Georgia" I explained

"When do you need me to come get you?" she asked after a long pause

"At 2pm. I will tell them that I will be leaving after my last meeting" I said

"ok! I'll be there at 2" She said with uncertainty

The clock looked to be dragging by so slow. I felt like I was in a daze as I waited patiently for Kate to pull up outside SIP. I walked out briskly, saying goodbye to Hannah as I left for the day. I got into Kate's car and she passed me a plastic drugstore bag.

"I am assuming that you are staying there overnight so I brought you some hygiene items" She said in a caring demeanour

"Thank you" I gushed "I just need to stop by my car to get a bag. She drove around the building to the back parking lot where I parked my little red sedan and parked beside it. I took out my keys and grabbed a black duffel bag from the trunk, then placed it in the back of Kate's car.

Her eyes got wide when I got back into the car.

"Are you leaving Christian?" She asked shockingly

"Honestly I'm not sure" He sad lowering my head in my lap "I need some time to think and my mom's place is the best place for me to do that"

"If it was really bad you would tell me right?" She asked

"Of course! You would be the first person that I ran to" I said

"Like you are right now?" She asked digging for information

"Let's start driving and I will explain on the way" I said with urgency.

She started the car, then moved out of the parking lot towards the street. Georgia was a fair distance, so I had a lot of time to explain.


	2. I'm saying no

I waited till we both had a cup of coffee and we were on the highway to explain what was going on. I knew that she was trying to respect my feeling but at the same time, dying to know what was happening.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on "Kate asked impatiently

"Christian and I have a very complicated life in the bedroom" I started to explain "At times though, I feel that he is not respecting my wishes"

"What is he doing wrong? I thought that he made you so happy?" She questioned "Is he hurting you? Physically?"

"He hasn't hit me Kate!" I said defending Christian "But he can be manipulative and sometimes he pushes me to do things that I do not necessarily feel comfortable with"

"What does he do to you?" She asked directly with a serious tone "I must say that what your explaining to me sounds like emotional manipulation. I know that you don't have a lot of experience with relationship but I can tell you that does not sound healthy"

I explained my unique relationship with Christian to Kate, as best I could without giving too many intimate details. it was a lot for her to take in. I didn't want to demonize Christian or blame everything on him either because I knew that part of the problem was me. I gave him this impression that I would go along with whatever, kinky fuckery that he felt like, but the further we got into the world of BDSM the more that I wanted to go back to a vanilla relationship. Christian was eccentric and mysterious, that was part of what drew me to him, but there were limits to what I was willing to do. I didn't get any pleasure from certain parts of BDSM. Christian had become more and more frustrated with my unwillingness to comply with his kinky demands. I wanted a "normal" relationship with "normal" sex. I thought that he was changing and learning to compromise with me. He kept telling me that "I was the one changing him". Now, I feel that he would tell me anything to keep me. It felt good to finally get that weight off my chest.

"that's a lot to take in" She said shocked

"I know!" I explained "I still deeply love Christian; I don't know if I am going to leave him or if we will try to work this out. I'm just winging this right now, and I'm very scared"

"I'm not in-charge of your life but I really think that you need to make it clear to him what your limits are. He's testing them, right now. I am also assuming that he doesn't know that you left early from work" Kate reiterated "It takes a crazy amount of strength to leave an abusive relationship, many women live years of their lives feeling trapped in their relationships. I am very proud of you"

"No he doesn't, and I know that he has shown up at my parent's place before when he was upset that I left without his permission. I know that he will come for me when he finds out where I am. I am also just taking this one step at a time. I have the element of surprise on my side" I explained to Kate "Oh and before I forget. Please do not tell Elliot anything"

"I haven't said a word to him, I figured that you wanted this to stay between us" She said

I looked up and saw a sign for Ellensburg, I asked Kate to turn in to the town so that we could find a place to eat and a bank machine so that I could get cash out of my account. I knew that I would need Christian's permission to take out any great amount of money, so I decided that I would make several transactions from my own account to avoid suspicion. I pulled out several thousand from my savings account. I wanted to make it harder for Christian to track my whereabouts. Kate pulled into a Denny's that was located close to the highway. That way we could make a quick exit if necessary. We walked in without a word, waiting for the hostess to seat us. We were ushered to a small booth in the back of the restaurant, where she took our drink orders and scampered off.

"Georgia is a really long drive Ana, and I am supposed to be at work in a few days" She said

"I know Kate!" I said "I didn't really plan this too well, the only thing that was going through my mind was getting out of there"

"I get it!" she sighed "You know the first place he's going to call is your parents right?"

"Very true!" I agreed

"you are probably safer, on the road or paying in cash for things. Till you are able to work things out with Christian" She suggested "I assumed that was the plan, after you asked me to stop at the bank"

"How do you think Christian's going to react" I asked scared.

I deeply needed reassurance that everything would be ok. Ring! Ring! It must be Christian or mom. I looked down at my cellphone. My heart leaped to my throat, I knew that he was going to be extremely angry when he found out what I had done. I started to breath heavy, staring at the phone

"Don't answer it" Kate said almost reading my mind "let him text you"

I waited for the call to go to voicemail, a few minutes later a voicemail icon appeared. I looked to Kate with big eyes.

"Don't listen to it right now, you are too upset. Whatever he has to say will only upset you even more, or worse cause you to say that you are sorry and go right back home to him. You have to stand your ground. Just put the phone down and eat your meal" She said lecturing me as the waitress placed a warm plate of eggs and bacon in front of me and Kate.

My phone chimed with a texts from Christian:

WHERE ARE YOU?

I'M WORRIED! TELL ME YOUR OK!

I'M COMING TO FIND YOU!  
The messages stopped after that. I told myself that I would reply to him when I found a place to crash for the night. I had cash and I didn't want to put Kate out any more than I already had. I knew that I had put her in-between a rock and a hard place when it came to Elliot. Thinking fast, I decided to ask the stranger sitting in the adjacent booth if I could use her cell phone. I dialed Christian.

"Hello!" I heard Christian in a harsh tone of voice

"Christian, I need you to listen to me" I said as calmly as I could

"Ana, just come home. You are being ridiculous. It was just one little fight. You know that i love you. Running away is so childish" He said sternly.

"I'm not coming home Christian" I said choking back tears "This is abuse, you are pushing me too hard to try uncomfortable BDSM stuff"

"Ana, i don't think that it's fair for you not to even try to please me!" He said loudly "Every other aspect of your life is like a fairytale and all im asking is for you to give things a chance my way"

"I can't Christian" I said sobbing "i find it degrading and selfish on your part"

"Are you leaving me?" He asked after a moment of hesitation

"I don't know Christian. I love you but i can not continue to pretend that i'm happy anymore" I stuttered through tears.

"I'm going to come to where you are, Ana" He said calmly "I'm sure that we can work this out, We both love each other. Love is the most important component of a marriage"

"No!" I said strongly "I have asked you before to consider a more tame vanilla relationship with me but we always seem to come back to this crazy BDSM stuff that Elena taught you. It was abuse then and now you are doing it to me. The cycle needs to be broken"

"I want to work with you Ana but you are being way too unreasonable right now." Christian said angrily.

"Wanting a normal relationship is unreasonable? not wanting to have Butt Plugs inside me is unreasonable? Not wanting to be whipped and tied up is unreasonable. Give your head a shake Christian. I want a normal, happy relationship with you" I cried.

"I have shut down all your accounts and when you have come to your senses, come home" He said

He hung up the phone without another word. I looked at Kate, who had heard the whole fight.

" I want to go back to the bank" i said seriously "i want to know if he really shut my bank account down or not"

"Good Idea!" She said

I thanked the lady for letting me use her phone and left the restaurant after leaving cash on the table. We quickly made our way back to the bank. We were both curious about whether my account was frozen. Could he do that to my personal account? His name was not on it. What kind of connections did he have if he did have it frozen? He was not one to bluff, but i had to try for my own piece of mind. Kate stopped in the parking lot of the bank.

"Go in quickly and check, i'll be waiting here" She said with worry in her eyes

"I'll be right back" I said choking back the anxiety.

I walked up to the front doors and straight to the ATM machine. I put my card in and punched my PIN number into the number pad. I felt as though i was on the verge of an anxiety attack as i watched the screen. WE ARE UNABLE TO PROCESS YOUR TRANSACTION. SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE. I walked over to the line of people waiting to speak to a teller. Every second seemed to drag on as i waited in the line, it felt like torture. I walked up to the teller as soon as she looked up at me.

"What can i do for you?" She asked in a professional manner.

"I was trying to take some money out and i was having trouble at the ATM and i was just wondering what is going on?" I asked trying to hide my feelings

"Can I have your card?" She asked

"Sure!" I answered pulling out my bank card

"HMMMMM!" she said looking confused as she typed on her computer. "It looks like there is a block on the account, but i can not see why"

"Have you ever seen this happen?" I asked

"Only when an account is frozen by the IRS" She said "I can get my manager and see what happened if you are willing to wait"

"No, i'm in a bit of a rush" I lied

"Sorry i couldn't help you" She said apologetically.

"That's ok" I said trying to smile.

I left the bank in a hurry trying to chock back tears of fear and anxiety. I felt nauseous. I regretted eating such a large lunch. I got into the passenger seat of Kate's car. She took one look at me and she just knew. She embraced me in a hug pulling me close, ignoring the gear shift that was digging in to her leg.

"i am so sorry, Ana" Kate said with tears in her eyes "What do you want to do now?"


	3. Running away

"I just need a minute to think" I said breathing heavily.

"You can go back to Christian and try to work this out" She suggested.

"Absolutely not!" i said adamantly "He has gone too far"

"You don't have much money Ana. He sounds like he's willing to work with you. You don't have anywhere to stay" Kate pleaded

"Can i use your phone?" I asked

"Sure" Kate said handing her Iphone to me.

I knew that there was an app to book an AirBnB on her phone because she used it when her an Elliot went on vacations sometimes. I looked through the adds on AirBnB to find one that was close by. The closest place was in Spokane, the trouble was that i needed a credit card to book and Christian had my credit card cancelled.

"Kate can i use you credit card to book an AirBnb, ill pay you the cash" I said with desperation in my eyes

"Of course, Anything i can do to help" Kate said trying to be helpful "You know Ana if i don't get back to Seattle soon, it's gonna look very suspicious"

" I know, that's why i just need to book an AirBnb in the nearest town. I'm not sure how long i plan to be there but Christian needs to understand that ordering me to come home is not going to work" I said confidently.

"Ok, Ana. I hope that you know what you are doing" Kate said with uncertainty.

Kate and I decided to stop for something to eat an hour later when we hit the small town of Moses Lake. We didn't want to spend too much time in Moses lake because I wanted to make sure that we arrived in Spokane before it got dark. I felt that Kate's reluctance had more to do with leaving me in a city i was unfamiliar with without any supports or plans. I was definitely scared but i had an odd excitement for my freedom. I felt like i was embarking on a new life journey. I had a little less than $3000 in my pockets. I knew that would not get me far but my mind had been racing with ideas on what i would do once i got to Spokane all the way to Moses Lake.

"I'm worried about you" Kate finally said once we had sat down in a small cafe in Moses lake "I hate leaving you alone in city so far away"

"I will keep in touch, Kate" I said offering reassurance "Christian is not good for me right now"

"I know, i'm just scared for you" She said.

"How about this, i will call you in a week and invite you up to see me, i'll get a pay as you go phone when i arrive. " I said

"Sure" She said

All of a sudden her phone rang. She looked down, it was Elliot calling. She looked at me unsure of whether or not she should answer it or not.

"Hi Hun" She said trying to sound like her happy upbeat self

"Have you seen Ana?" Asked Elliot sounding concerned "Christian said that she left work early and has not been home"

"No i haven't" Kate Lied "She called me and said that she had some errands that she was going to do and that she wanted to go out later, i'll keep you posted"

"When are you coming home?" Elliot asked confused "I thought that we had a date tonight?"

"What time?" Kate asked

"7 pm" Elliot answered.

"I told Ana that i would meet her for dinner at 630 pm after she was done with her errands" Kate said trying to sound disappointed.

"I wanted to do something nice for you" Pleaded Elliot "I miss you"

"I miss you too!" Kate gushed "I will be home later on tonight and we can cuddle up and watch a movie together"

"OK" Elliot said "Hurry home, don't stay out too late, let me know when you see Ana. Christian has been bugging me all day. He's frantic"

"Of course" Kate said with certainty "I'm sure she's just busy and hasn't looked at her phone yet"

"Yeah, your right" He said "Love you!"

"Love you too!" Kate said back.

She let out a long sigh of relief as she looked back at me. Elliot did not suspect that I had run away, just that i was running errands. Christian must be too embarrassed to tell anyone what is going on between us. Christian knows that i'm not out running errands. I wonder if he is following me or if he has people out searching the streets for me. I looked back at Kate.

"Let's get some gas and carry on to Spokane before nightfall" I said confidently"I have to make sure that you make it back to Elliot before things blow up, i don't want there to be any backlash on you. This is my decision and i'm owning it"

"Ana, your safety is my first concern. I'll deal with Christian and his family if i have to. Christian needs to take responsibility for his actions. It may get ugly, but i don't care. Christian's a big boy. Sounds to me like he doesn't want any of this to get out" Kate said

"Sounds that way" I agreed

"That could work to your advantage because he will most likely keep your absence at least in the short term a secret, in hopes that you will just come home" Kate said thinking out loud.

"That won't happen" I said

"Let's get you to Spokane" Kate said

We stopped off at a gas station that was close to interstate 90 then headed back onto the highway towards Spokane. I wondered what Christian was doing at this moment. I wonder what he was thinking. He was my husband and i still loved him. I wondered if he had the ability to change or if his relationship with Elena had distorted his ability to have a healthy relationship at all. He obviously was used to having his own way especially with women. I was surprised that he was able to have my credit card cancelled and my account frozen so quickly. Out of curiosity, I decided to call Carrick. He would probably have more of an idea of what Christian did to my account, maybe he could have it reversed.

"Ana" Carrick said sounding surprised to hear from me "What can i do for you"

"I have a personal account with you and my understanding is that my husband has had that account frozen without my consent" I said sternly

"I have here that you and Mr. Grey are both on this account" replied Carrick as he typed away at his computer.

"I don't ever remember consenting to that" I said upset.

"I have a written consent that you signed, if you like i can send it to your email" Carrick said.  
"Please do" I said

I knew that i would have to wait to get access to my email, so that i could see this form. I don't remember signing anything that would allow Christian to be on my account. I told Kate that i we would need to stop at an internet cafe when we reached Spokane. As for right now all i wanted to do was drive.

"I'm just winging it for now, i know that i'm strong enough to do this on my own" I said

I looked through all the AirBnB adds to see which place was the closest to Ellensburg. The bulk of the ads were for places in bigger cities. The closet i could find was another 3 hours away in Spokane. I knew that Kate would not be happy. I had dragged her into something that she didn't want to be apart of but i really needed her to drive me to Spokane.

"Kate i need you to drive me to Spokane" I said quickly. "Before you say no, let me explain how you are going to explain your whereabouts to Elliot"

"I'm listening" She said skeptically.

"It's the weekend, you can say that we went on a girls vacation to the mountains. You could even say that we are staying at the Misty Mountain resort if you want to get more specific. It's about 3 hours till i can get to spokane. You can drop me off at this Airbnb, then head back to Seattle. I will give you money for gas. You can say that we came back to Seattle together but i wanted to do some running around and I didn't tell you where i was going. Then you can act surprised that i didn't arrive home" I explained.

"That could work" She said skeptically "I'm worried about you Ana, What are you going to do for work, you are leaving your whole life behind. Everyone will be worried"

"Trust me Kate" I begged "I need to do this. I still love Christian but i can not continue to pretend that everything is ok, i need to put my foot down"

"OK" she whispered.

Without another word Kate and I paid the bill at the restaurant and walked out to the car. I only had a few thousand dollars. I was flying off the seat of my pants but i would rather take a risk than live an entire lifetime serving someone else's selfish desires. Kate and I stopped off at the nearest gas station to fill up. I booked the Airbnb with Kate's credit card, then gave her the cash. We stopped for coffee then headed to interstate 90 for the long drive to Spokane. The conversation lightened up once we were on the road. We joked and sang to our favorite songs in the car. In the back of my mind was still the question of what Christian was planning and what i was going to do once i got to Spokane.

Kate and I drove the rest of the way to Spokane, listening to music and talking. I tried to push the situational stress from my mind. I knew that i could not do anything till i arrived at the AirBnB anyway. I let the AirBnB host know that i would be arriving late and they were ok with that. Kate and I arrived in Spokane around 8 pm. We used her phone GPS to find the location of the house. It was located in an older residential area. The house was a White Bungalow that looked like it was built in the 70's but well-maintained. The lawn was recently cut and there was a small flower bed in front of the The area was quiet, just what i needed to start my new life. I walked up to the front door of the white bungalow and knocked on the door. A girl that looked to be in her early 30's with natural blonde hair came to the door. She was about 5 "5 with a medium build, definitely not athletic but not overweight either. She was wearing a t-shirt and pajama pants.

"Are you Ana?" She asked

"Yes" I answered

"I should introduce myself. I'm stacey. Do you want to see the room?" She asked with a light, friendly demeanor.

"Yes, i'd love to" I answered

Stacey opened the door and Kate and I took off our shoes and walked inside. The room was at the end of the hall. It was a small square shaped room, furnished with a single bed, a night table, a dresser and a desk in the corner. After she showed us the room she gave Kate and I a tour of the house. The living room had two black leather couches and a 50" TV mounted on the far wall. The kitchen had white cabinets with matching appliances. She showed us the other rooms, then the Rumpus room in the basement.

"I see that you booked the AirBnB for a whole month, what are your plans in Spokane?" She asked

"A fresh start" I replied being purposefully vague.

"You booked the room for one person, are you both staying?" Stacey asked trying to get as much information as possible

"NO, Kate is my best friend. She's just dropping me off" I said "I'm just going to go get my bags from the car, i'll be right back"

Kate and I walked out to the car to get my luggage. We both looked at each other with sorrow in our eyes as though it was the last time that we were going to see each other.

"Kate, it's late. I can ask Stacey but i think that you should stay over night and drive back in the morning" I said worried.

"I'm so glad you suggested that because i definitely don't want to be driving alone late at night on an unfamiliar road" She said giving me a big hug.

Kate and I walk back to the house and asked Stacey if it was ok if Kate stayed the night. Stacey was an amazing hostess. She provided Kate with blankets and a pillow. She made us sandwiches and coffee. Stacey was very friendly and easy to get along with. We learned that Stacy had a 3 year old son, who lived with her part time. She worked full time as a hairdresser and found making bills very hard, so she put the extra bedroom on AirBnB. I explained to her that i was going to need a place to stay for more than a month and if she was agreeable that i would pay monthly. She seemed just as thrilled. That way she didn't have to have a revolving door of guests that she didn't know. Kate slept in my room on a cot on the floor. I found it impossible to sleep. The stress of Christian and the uncertainty of my new life, felt like a tonne of bricks weighing on my chest. I struggled to breath, it felt like torture.

I managed to get 3 hours of sleep, which left me feeling anything but refreshed. Kate woke up at 8 AM. She wanted to make sure that she would be back as soon as possible so that she could explain everything to Elliot and go on with her life in Seattle. She promised to check in with me regularly and i told her that i would get a pay as you go phone and call her with the number. She took down Stacey's home number just in case, then she was off. I stood at the door watching her pull out of front driveway. I smiled and waved as Kate drove off, but inside i felt so alone. I hope that i'm able to do this on my own.


	4. Christian and Ana in different world's

I waited till Kate was completely out of site before i went to my room. I knew that i had alot of ground to cover. I no longer had the comforts of a rich life. My new life was going to be an upward battle, but it would be my own. I had to keep telling myself that it was going to be worth it. I looked back at Stacey who was sitting on the couch watching TV.

"What are the job prospects in Spokane" I asked looking for direction

"Depends on what your area of expertise is" Stacey answered.

"I have a degree in English Literature" I said

"We don't have any publishing places but you could find a job in an office somewhere" Stacey suggested.

"That doesn't sound that bad" I said thinking out loud "Maybe i can start applying online"

"You aren't wasting any time are you" She said

"I'd like to start as soon as I can, hiring process takes time and i don't have much money" I said as I joined her on the couch "Do you have a computer i could use?"

"Of course" She said directing me to the Rumpus room in the basement.

"Great, thank you" I said sitting at the desk.

I started with checking my emails to see if the bank had sent that document that i had signed to have Christian put on my account first. The bank had sent it right after our phone call. I opened the document that they said that i had signed. I saw my signature on it but i knew that had not signed that. Christian must have forged it. Not surprising at all, he had a file on all his sub's including me. He even had my banking information. I'm sure that he had numerous connections that if he wanted to have his name on my account he could, no questions asked. He seems to be able to do what ever he wanted and it filled me with rage. All this because he didn't get his own way. I wonder if he had always been like this any i just didn't notice because i had been to busy falling in love with his beauty and lifestyle? I hope not.

"Is everything OK" Stacey asked coming up behind me

"Yeah!" i responded without think

"Is it a boyfriend or a partner?" She asked with a caring tone

"Husband" I answered "It's complicated"

"It always is" She said in a sincere tone "I understand, my ex is a asshole too"

"I have to start fresh" I confessed "I'm open to any help that will get me back on my feet"

"I would try some of the smaller cafe's and restaurants, while you wait for an office job, there are a few around here that are hiring. If you want i can talk to my boss and see if we could use anyone to wash towels and sweep up hair"

"Thank you so much" I gushed "That's very kind of you"

She was single without many friends. Something that happens as you get older. I started to get to know Stacey. She was generous and kind. Her boyfriend had cheated on her, they separated shortly after. Their little boy now spends one week at mom's and one week at dad's. She said that her ex was suppose to bring Adrian over at 4 pm. Since her ex was always punctual she needed to be at home. She called her manager at the Salon and mentioned me. Stacey drove me down to the Salon for an interview. The Salon was very small, catering to mostly middle aged women and children. I told Stacey that i needed to make a resume but she said that it wasn't necessary. The manager asked me a few questions then hired me on the spot. She explained that she needed someone right away to sweep up the hair and manage the front desk. This worked out well for both of us. Stacey had a roommate we steady employment and i had a job. I felt very accomplished that day, however i knew that i would need a better paying job in the future. This would do for now though.

I woke up the next morning,I was so used to getting up at 7 Am to go to SIP. I looked down at my phone. I had turned it off after Christian's last phone call. I knew that there was a GPS in it and he was an angry, crafty, billionaire with a vengeance .I didn't want to make it too easy for him. I decided that i would leave it off despite the temptation to check it. I went down to the local 7-11 to get a pay as you go phone so that i could get in touch with Kate. I was dying to hear from her. I was worried about the possible backlash from Christian and his family if her story wasn't believable enough. I wondered what Christian was up to. Was he searching for me? Would i run into someone that knew him? I didn't want my whereabouts to get back to him. Christian had a good heart, that was why i fell in love with him, but he had alot of work to do on himself before he would be ready to love me again. I called SIP to let them know that i was quitting. I activated my new phone as soon as I got back to Stacey's. I called SIP to let them know that i was quitting. They were shocked and concerned but i knew that i could not go back to Seattle for a while. Then i called Kate, I wanted to let her know that i was ok, it had been almost 2 days since she left for Seattle.

"Ana" She cried "Are you alright?"

"Yeah!" I sighed "How was everything when you got home?"

"I told Elliot, Christian and Mia that we went to the mountains. Mia and Elliot seemed fine with my explanation but Christian seemed suspicious. He didn't say anything to me though. I haven't heard from him. Mia and Elliot say that he has been a recluse since you left. I've only seen him once at a family dinner. He seems depressed and quiet though" Kate said

"Really?" i replied "He's not angry?"

"Doesn't seem that way to me. Keep in mind i might see him twice a week if i'm lucky" Kate said.

"Do you think i broke him?" I asked

"I think that you embarrassed him, for sure but i'm not sure. I heard from Elliot that he started seeing a therapist twice a week though. I think that her name is Dr. Cunningham" Kate mentioned.

"That's good news" I responded "Maybe me leaving has given him some time to reflect"

"I hope so" Kate said "Any news on your end?"

"I'm going to look for a new job, i quit SIP today. I can't exactly go back to Seattle right now. I also can't work for a company that Christian owns" I said

Christian

I wanted Ana back more than anything else in my life. Missing her body, her taste and her sound consumed every part of me. Over the past 4 months i toyed with the idea of letting her go because i knew that i would not be happy if she felt like a prisoner in our home. I wanted her to be happy. As soon as she left a part of my heart seemed so empty, like a puzzle that was missing a piece. The house seemed so empty and lonely. My mind always came back to Ana , which made going to work and being productive incredibly difficult. I went through the motions each day but my heart and soul was with Ana and it was aching every moment that she was away. I wondered what she was doing and who she was with. At points the jealousy would throw me into a rage. My body needed her physically, mentally and emotionally. Ana completed my soul.

I preferred brunette's but i would not be opposed to having a blonde if she had the right personality. I liked to punish brunette's, that was my MO. My body had needs that i wasn't sure i could deny. Would Ana ever come back or would i be served with divorce papers. The thought angered me. I knew that she wouldn't get much because of the Prenup that she signed before the wedding.

Ana was not aware of the 15 sub's that i had before her. She seemed more bent on changing me into a normal man than investigating the life i used to lead before she came along. Without her love and guidance i felt myself slipping into a dark abyss. I decided that i would go to my office and look through some of my old files and see if they were still interested in going back into our old agreement. I was bored and sexually frustrated, i needed something to get me through. Everyday was a struggle to keep myself mentally stable enough to function. I found my file on Lina, pleasant memories flooded into my mind of our past relationship. I picked up my cell to phone Karl, my PI.

"Hi, Karl, This is Christian Grey" I said announcing myself.

"What can i do for you Mr. Grey?" Karl asked

"Can you get me some updated information on a Lina Price. She was a former secretary of mine" I stated

"Sure, Can i get her Date of Birth and last known whereabouts" Karl asked getting a pen and paper.

"Her address is 2945 Owagner Lane. Her last job was at The Pink Door" I answered "Get back to me as soon as you find anything out"

"Of course, Mr. Grey" Karl replied hanging up the phone.

I felt disappointment wash over me, Ana has only been gone for 2 weeks. I was right back where i was before. A predator. A Dominent.

Christian

Karl got back to me with a precise location of where Lina was along with her schedule. She still worked as a waitress at "The Pink Door" so i decided to make an appearance on a Monday night. I knew that it would be a bit slower, which should give her a chance to talk to me. Putting on some casual clothes and a long jacket i headed for the door just after 6pm. I hesitated at the door urning for Ana, i could feel myself slipping in to a very dark place. She was the light at the end of the tunnel, and now all there was was darkness. I locked the door and headed for my car, pushing Ana to the corner of my thoughts. I was on a different mission. I drove myself, i didn't want Taylor to know what i was up to,he most likely try and talk me out of it. He had always been more than just a driver to me, he was a caring friend as well. I arrived at "The Pink Door" and was seated by a young, blonde hostess at a table in the corner of the restaurant.

"Is Lina here" I asked the hostess

"Yes, she is" The girl answered "Would you like me to send her over?"

"I would love that" I replied opening the menu.

I looked towards the kitchen looking for Lina. She came out a few minutes later to see me. As soon as she saw me, she rolled her eyes. Our relationship was that of a dominent and Submissive. She was liked having a reputation of being confident and strong. She was a respectable, self-driven women. She had long brown hair with laser blue eyes and a dancer's physique. She was stunning. When she initially signed the contract there were very little revisions. She wanted our relationship to be as secret as i did. I was not concerned with her sharing details with anyone else. She was too proud for that. She was my submissive for 2 years, She did everything that i asked. She never complained and in turn i gave her anything she needed. She was my last submissive before i met Ana, and she was my favorite one. I offered her the world for her co-operation and secrecy. She asked for only one thing. She wanted to go to Law school and didn't have the money to pay for it. I paid for her first two years. She was an exceptional student so it was no surprise when i found out that she had received a scholarship for the rest of her education. I assumed that she was only working here to pay for living expenses.

"Well if it isn't Christian Grey" She said

"Lina, it's been awhile" I commented

"Sure has. I don't miss our little arrangement though" Lina said confidently "Why are you here?"

"Are you done Law school yet?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"Christian, i don't want to make small talk. I want to know why you are here" She pushed.

"This is what i love about you, straight-forward, confident and independant" I said trying to find the words to convey my needs.

"I'll make this easy" Lina said bending over so that we were face to face "Our 'arrangement' suited both of us for a period of time. I am not interested in being a sexual lapdog for you. If you need an attorney, that's a different story"

"How about we just do some lighter stuff" I said trying to compromise

"Looks like your married" Lina answered pointing to my wedding ring.

"Separated" I replied.

"I see" Lina said "I'm not a home-wrecker Christian. Just because i work her and wear 8 inch heels doesn't mean i'm willing to do anything. If you are not here to order, then there is no reason for you to be here. I will not be a sucker for another pretty face"

"OK" I sighed feeling defeated.

My pride felt wounded. I was always in control, this time Lina was in control and it felt awful. I was embarrassed. In the past i had never felt like going back to a previous sub. Once I was done i moved on. Is this how Ana feels every time i i force her to be a submissive? I went back to my car, sinking into the seat. Tears rolled down my face. I wasn't an emotional person. The experience with Lina rattled me to the core. I could not continue to hurt Ana. I felt like a monster.

RING! RING!

It was Karl, my Private investigator.

"I found Ana. She's in Spokane. What would you like to do?" He said in one breath

"Get on the first flight to Spokane. I will not be far behind" I answered.

I took a big breath of relief. Finally i knew where Ana was and i could bring her home. I need to get some serious therapy before i could have Ana trust me again. My mind knew it, but my heart and soul were still in agony.

Ana

Christian's reaction was definitely not what i expected. I agree that it must be embarrassing for your wife to leave you after only a few months. especially when you are so rich and revered but with time i'm sure most will forget what happened. I wonder what Christian was feeling. Was he angry and hiding it well? or he he have genuine regret for how he treated me? I definitely still loved my husband. I knew that the next step was a divorce but a part of me didn't want to see a lawyer just yet. What if Christian was working on himself. I hope so, for his sake. I pushed all thoughts of Christian out of my mind. When i got home i decided to apply for every secretary job that i could find. Stacey was helpful and kind, just the person that i needed in my life right now.

Over the next few months i focused on building myself a new life. I continued to work part time at the salon. I eventually got a job as a secretary for a doctor's office. I opened a new bank account at a different bank. Christian was the furthest thing from my mind, i had too many things to do. Stacey and i became great friends over the next 4 months. She decided to keep me as a roommate instead of having a revolving door of people from AirBnB. Finally on a friday night in late May, Stacey convinced me to go out to a club. It was perfect because she didn't have her son that weekend.

"Do you want to go out" She asked "We can be each other's wingman" Stacey said looking over at me from the couch

"I don't know if i'm ready for that" I admitted.

"Its been 4 months, Ana. It's OK to live a little" Stacey urged "Plus i could use a little action myself"

"I suppose that it couldn't hurt" I said feeling convinced.

"you don't have to sleep with anyone, just come out for a little fun" Stacey said.

"OK" i said.

Stacey and i spent the next hour getting ready to go out. I didn't want to put anything too provocative. I was still not ready for male attentive, just yet. Stacey was right though. I needed to get out. I have been working none stop since i left Christian. Stacey came to my room to show me the outfit she was going to wear that evening.

"What do you think" She asked twirling around in her red dress.

"You look stunning" I said honestly.

"That's quite a conservative dress that you are wearing" Stacey commented.

"I know, i don't want too much attention" I said

"You are beautiful, Ana. There is no harm in showing that" Stacey said reassuringly.

"Think that i'll take one step at a time" I replied.

"OK, i'm really happy that your coming out with me. We are going to have an awesome time" Stacey said with excitement.

Beep!Beep!

"That's the taxi, Ana" Stacey said

"K, i'm coming" I said running out the door.

Stacey and I piled into the taxi. I felt sick with stress. Was i cheating on Christian? I don't have to find another man. One night out with Stacey isn't cheating. I haven't slept with anyone. I kept my wedding ring on as a way to show others that i was still taken. Having a good time with a friend is not cheating. Stacey gave the taxi driver directions to her favorite night club.

"I here the hottest local band is playing tonight, and they are really good" Stacey squeaked.

"What's the band's name?" i asked

"Asteroid belt" Stacey said " I hope you like indie rock"

"I like indie rock" I said starting to get excited.

Stacey and i arrived in front of a large warehouse-like building playing loud music inside. We joined all the excited party-goers waiting for their chance to get in. We gave the bouncer our ID's and slowly made our way into the club. The club was a mix of multicoloured strobe lights and loud music. The club seemed like one big open concept room. There were two floors that looked down on to the stage like an auditorium. The place was packed, there were groups of people chatting in the corners of the club. The center of the club was packed tightly with people in short skirts and jeans dancing to the beat of the up beat tunes.

"Do you want to get some drinks?" Stacey asked loudly trying to talk above the music.

"Sure" I agreed in the same loud tone.

"How are you ladies doing this evening?" The tall brunette haired guy asked looking at Stacey and I

"just looking to have some fun" Stacey answered.

"How about you?" Asked the other blonde guy

"I'm ok" I said nervously

"You seem nervous, i'm not going to bite. My name is Matt" He said extending his hand.

Stacey and i made our way to the bar to get some beers. I saw a guy staring at me from across the room. When our eyes met he smiled. He was no Christian Grey but he was attractive. He had a slim, muscular physique. He looked to be about college aged, and was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. I could see that Stacey had already started walking in that direction.

"There is one for you and one for me" She said pointing to two college age guys that were looking in our direction including the guy that i had made eye contact with

"i'm coming with you, but i'm not doing anything crazy because i'm still married" I said sternly

"That's ok, i respect that" Stacey said.

"Ana" I said shaking his outstretched hand.

"Are you married?" Matt asked pointing to the large diamond on my finger.

"Yes, but it's complicated" I answered

"I just got out of a relationship myself. I totally understand. I was dragged out here. How about you?" He asked

"Yeah. me too" I admitted "Spending too much time working, Stacey says i need to start having fun"

"Is she right?" Matt asked

"maybe" I answered.

"My girlfriend cheated on me 6 months ago with a friend of mine from the football team" Matt said trying to break the ice

"That sounds awful" I said empathetically.

"I came by her house early to bring her a birthday present" Matt said sadly.

"So sorry to hear that" I answered automatically

"It happens" Matt said embarrassed "You want another drink, beer maybe?"

"Sure" I said feeling a bit more comfortable.

Matt came back with two beers. He was a normal, nice guy. I felt oddly comfortable with him. He didn't pressure me into intimacy or try to get me drunk. We just sat and listened to each other. Maybe that's what we both needed. I looked over at Stacey. She was clearly drunk, sitting almost on top to her guy on the couch.

"It's getting late, i think that i'm going to go home" I said to Stacey

"What? already, this night has barely begun" Stacey stuttered readjusting her legs on the couch.

"it's midnight" I said getting impatient

"Are you going home with him?" Stacey stammered.

"No, i'm going home alone" I said

"Ok, do what you want but i might not be going home alone" She said slurring her words slightly.

"You know what i think?" i asked rhetorically "I think that you should come home with me because you've had enough to drink for tonight"

"You sure" She asked looking confused

"Yup" I said with a fake smile.

"I could take her home later, if she wants to stay" The college guy stacey was with piped up.

"That's ok, i got this" I said

I helped Stacey to her feet, wrapping my hands around her waist for support. Together we walked out of the club. I sat Stacey don't on a street bench, then called a taxi on my cell. A man in a suit and tie walked down the street, he stared at me intently though he knew me from somewhere. He slowly approached me while i stood beside the bench that Stacey was sitting at. He looked up at me then down at his phone. The look he gave me sent shivers up my neck.

"Are you Anastasia Steele?" He asked

"Yes, I am" I said

"I work for Christian Grey" The man said "Can i speak with you?"


	5. Christian's coming

"Who are you?" I asked with shock and disgust.

"I'm a Private investigator that was hired by Christian Grey" The man said introducing himself.

"What does Christian want?" I said angrily.

"He wants to make sure that you are OK, first off. Secondly, wants me to deliver a message to you. I have it recorded on my cell"He said "Can i play it?"

"Go ahead" I answered.

He found the message quickly and then turned up the volume so that i could hear it:

Ana, I understand why you are mad at me and you have every right to hate me. I didn't realize how my eccentric desires have hurt you because i was so focused on my own needs that i completely ignored deserve a man that can give you the world, i want to be that man for you. You leaving has given me time to think. I started seeing a therapist because I want to be a better man. I don't want to repeat the mistakes and drove you away. I know that i need help to heal from what was done to me in my childhood, i have been actively working on myself. You leaving has given me time to think about our relationship. I want you, i need you in my life and i will do anything to get you to come home. I see now exactly how much the pain of my childhood has effected our lives. I would give up everything i have to make you love me again. All i'm asking is a chance to see you again, to show you how i have changed.

"I really don't have anything to say to him" I said trying to keep my emotions in check

"You haven't filed for divorce though" He replied.

"I know, divorce hasn't really been my focus" I lied

"You know what i think" He said "I think that you are still hoping to work things out because you still love Mr. Grey. This is the first time that i have heard this message but he sounds sincere. Why not give him a chance"

"I take it, you have already told him exactly where i am" I said changing the subject.

"Yes, yesterday i told him" He said.

"That probably means that he's in town somewhere, am i right?" I said starting to get upset.

"Yes, he flew out as soon as he heard you had been found" He said.

"You can tell him that i will contact him when i'm ready to talk to him" I said trying to not explode with anger at the P.I

"OK, if you wish" He said "i'll pass on the message"

The taxi pulled up in front of the bench that Stacey and I were sitting at. I helped Stacey into the backseat. Then i turned to the P.I for one last word.

"Oh and tell Christian that i'm disappointed that it took him this long to find me" I said as i got into the taxi.

We sped off in the taxi before the P.I had the chance to respond to my comment. My heart was pounding so hard that i thought that it would burst from my chest. My mind was racing with questions. Did the P.I watch me at the bar? Did he see talking to Matt and report everything back to Christian? Just when i was starting to heal, Christian walks back into my life undoing everything. I was angry about the whole encounter. I felt defeated, i didn't want to go back to a relationship that was so controlling. A big part of me knew that he would find me. He was such a control freak, i don't think that he could handle just letting go or moving on. I wasn't going to give my power back to him. I needed to be respected. I needed to be able to trust that he was not going to push my hard limits to far. He seemed to want everything his way on his terms. I would no longer stand for that. I'm not sure how only 4 months of therapy could completely change someone either. There was so much Christian had to work through and he needed to learn to compromise. I wanted a more normal, vanilla relationship. He knew what i wanted but always chose to ignore it. I didn't want to have objects shoved into me and to get whipped and flogged for his enjoyment. I have tried things his way and i felt degraded every time. I just want to be happy, and Christian was not making me happy.

The taxi arrived in front of the house that Stacey and i shared. I paid the driver then helped Stacey into the house. I took her shoes off and put her to bed under the covers. I'm sure that she would get up and shower after a good rest. She smelt of alcohol and sweat, she would probably need to clean the sheets too, but she needed rest more. I was exhausted too, i needed rest just as much as Stacey did. I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Then i dressed in my pj's and curled up in bed for the night.

Stacey had the Saturday off from the salon, but i had a morning shift. The salon was really good about working around my secretary shifts at the GP's office. I got ready, leaving Stacey in her bed snoring. I always left early so that i could get a coffee on the way to the Salon. When I arrived the first client was already halfway through his hair cut, there was hair to sweep and towels to clean.

"Good morning Ana" Jillian greeted as i walked in the door.

"Good morning Jill" I replied.

"Nice weekend?" She asked

"You could say that" I answered grabbing the broom

"I heard that you and Stacey went for a night out of town" Jill said making light conversation.

"We went out to a club to see a band called Asteroid belt" I explained.

"They are good" Jill said perking up.

"I enjoyed them for sure, Stacey may not remember the concert as she's sleeping off a wicked hang over" I joked.

"Really! Sounds like her, when she party's she party's" Jill agreed.

Jill and I laughed and talked throughout the shift in between haircuts. The shift went by fast. Just as i was finishing up my shift and getting ready to go home the door opens.

"We aren't accepting new walk-ins at this time" I said with my back to the door.

"I'm here for you, Anastasia" Said and all to familiar voice.

I turned around with a shot. I heart started to pound harder than every before. I instantly became nauseous. It took every molecule of my being to appear calm.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded trying to look like i was in control

"I just want to talk, that's all" Christian said walking in slowly

"I mentioned to your P.I that i would contact you when i'm ready, or is this just another way that you are asserting your dominance over me" I said being snarky.

"I'm not here to fight Anastasia" He stated "Can we just have coffee? please?"

"Is it just you here?" I asked.

"Just me Anastasia" Christian said

"Fine, a short coffee" I stated sternly grabbing my purse.

"I'm fine with that" Christian agreed "I'll wait for you out in the car.

I waited for Christian to leave the salon. Jill looked at me worried.

"Who is that?" She asked

"My husband" I replied embarrassed "I'm sorry that he burst in here unannounced, We have been having problems lately"

"I can see that" Jill said pulling out a small piece of paper and a pen out of her pocket and writing down her number "If you need me call this number, even if it's just to talk"

I followed Christian out to a blue Mercedes that he had parked in the parking lot. I knew that he was going to make some lame plea for me to come back home. I wanted to make him wait just to show him that i was in charge now, but the other half of my wanted to just get this meet over with. I wanted to have closure. I wanted to tell him how i felt. I liked my new life without him, financial it was hard at points but it was worth it to have my freedom.

"After you" Christian said gently as he opened the car door "Try to relax"

We both sat in silence as Christian drove to a restaurant to talk.

Christian stopped the car in front of a small restaurant in an upper scale district that i was unfamiliar with. Christian parked the car then came around to open my door. I could definitely tell that he was trying.

"After you" He said

"Thank you" I said almost mechanically. As i got out of the car and walked with Christian to the front of the restaurant.

Christian opened the front door for me and walked over to the front kiosk to check in for his reservation. Christian never ceased to surprise me. I turned to him.

"You have a reservation" I said a little disgusted "how could you even know if was going to agree to go out with you?"

"I wanted to make sure we got a table i can always cancel it if you refuse" He explained in a calm voice.

The waitress seated Christian and I at a table next to a window. Christian waited til the waitress took our drink orders and left to start the conversation. Christian gave a big sigh as he prepared to explain himself to me.

"Ana, thank you for sitting down and talking with me" Christian started sounding very formal "I've waited so long to talk to you"

"Ok, you can go first" I said motioning for him to start the conversation.

"I can't not put into words how much regret i feel for the pain that i have caused you" He said "I should have listened to you, but i was so angry when you wouldn't co-operate that i was blind to how my lifestyle effected you psychologically and emotionally"

"OK, thank you for acknowledging my feeling" i agreed

"Your welcome" Christian answered with a half smile

"Why exactly are you here?" I said sternly trying to move the conversation along.

"I want to you to know that i am going to treat you with the love and respect that i promised you on our wedding day. I want you to come home so that we can try this again" He explained

"I'm glad that you have come to that realization, but i am not coming home with you. I would also like you to give me my personal bank account back please" I said with a low stern tone

"To be honest i only did that so that you would come home sooner. I thought that without money I didn't count on you leaving and starting a new life in a new city. I'm quite impressed by your ingenuity and perseverance" He explained.

"i really don't care what the reason was. You don't have the right to take that from me" I answered. "I want it back"

"i can have that fixed for you if you like" Christian said.

"Immediately" I said giving him a push

"Immediately" He reiterated.

Christian pulled out his phone getting up from the table and walking over to a quiet corner of the restaurant. He was only on the phone for a few minutes before he came back to the table.

"It's done" He affirmed to me.

"The problem for me, Christian, is that i think that you are just telling what you know i want to here to get me to come back home only to continue to be under your thumb. If you were looking for a woman that did your every bidding. That's not going to be me" I explained to him

"Ana, it's you i need in my life, all those other woman that i was with just fed into my psychologically issues. You were the only one that cared enough to try to heal me. That's why i love you" He said with a tear in his eye.

"Truth is Christian, i was happier working at that hardware store than i ever was being your little trophy wife. As much as i want you to be this normal, healthy guy. I can't be responsibile for fixing you" I said

"Do you really feel that way?" Christian said shocked

"Yes, i do" I said staring intently in to his eyes "You made me feel like a sex puppet, worthless. i felt like a slave in shackles waiting for his master's call. My freedom is worth more than anything that you could ever buy me"

"I've been working on myself. I just want you to give me another chance to make you happy" He pleaded.

"4 months is not enough time to undo all the psychological damage that was done to you in your life time. I think that it's great that you are trying but there's no way you are ready for me to come back" I said feeling the tears start to well up in my eyes.

"No, but it's a start" Christian replied "i'm trying Ana, can't you see that?"

"I do, but I'm not just leaving the life that i started here to go back home with you tomorrow Christian" I stated

"What will it take Ana?" Christian asked

"I'm not saying that i don't want to see you but I am not coming back to live with you" I said making my intentions clear.

"thank you for giving me another chance" Christian said pleased.

"Your a business man" I said "I'll make you a deal"

"Oh! What's your terms" Christian asked curiously.

"We start fresh, from the beginning. Go on date's, get to know each other. NO whips, no chains and no secrets. You continue to go through therapy. I will continue to work on myself. I want to continue to have complete control over my life. I don't want you to buy the business i'm working at. I don't want you to send P.I's into spy on me"I said "No exceptions"

"I can do that" Christian said

"I will seek a divorce if you try to control me again" I said "I hope i'm being clear"

"Crystal" He said with a tight smile.

Christian got the bill and took me back to my house. I told him that i would make arrangements to come back to Seattle, but it would be on my timeline.


	6. Can he be saved?

Christian asked for the check from the waitress and gave her a credit card.

"Can i just say that you look amazing. You really have been taking care of yourself in the past few months" He said smiling

"Thank you" I said awkwardly "You don't look bad yourself"

"Thank you" He said continuing to smile through tight lips "Let me make this better Ana. There is a reason we fell in love with each other. Let's go back to that place"

"I want to, Christian" I said sadly "I still think that we should go slow though"

"I understand" Christian agreed "Can i take you home?"

"Yes, thank you" I said walking past him to the door.

Christian escorted me to the car. We both sat in the car in silence till he dropped me off at my residence. I opened the door to let myself out.

"Thanks for the ride" I said with a cool tone of voice

"See you later, hopefully" He responded back.

I walked up to the front door and let myself in. I could see that Stacey was looking out the window at the blue Mercedes as it drove away.

"Wow, who was that?" She asked

"My husband, the one that i'm separated from" I answered.

"Are you getting back together with him?" She asked curious.

"Not sure, that depends. i still have so many boundaries up" I confessed "Our relationship is quite complicated so i'm taking things slow"

"I see" She said reading the situation "Are you staying here?"

"I really enjoyed my time here, and you have a been an extraordinary friend, but i think that i want to go back to Seattle" I explained.

"I understand" Stacey said "My ex and I got back together several times before we called it quits for good. I hope thing work out for you to"

"If i'm back in Spokane, is it ok if i give you a ring?" I asked trying to keep communication open.

"Of course! If you need a vacation from Mr. Right, you can come here" Stacey said smiling.

I continued to pack my things, a part of me was sad because i was just starting to feel comfortable with my independence. I felt that i had accomplished something amazing against all odds. I started with nothing and built a new life by myself. I felt like my own woman for the first time since I met Christian. I needed a place to stay once i arrived in Seattle. I knew that staying with Christian was completely out of the question. He would see that as an open opportunity to continue to treat me the same as before. I wanted him to know that i was not going to allow it. I loved him and i wanted to compromise with him so that both of our needs were met. I was not willing to sacrifice my happiness so that he could continue to live out his BDSM fantasies. I knew that there had to be another way. I called Kate. I could stay with her for a little while, just until i found my own place or reconciled with Christian. My relationship with Christian was far from perfect but it deserved a second chance.

"Kate" i said as soon as she picked up

"Yes, Ana. Good to hear your voice. I hear that you and Christian are working things out" She said elated.

"Did he say that?" I asked

"I heard it through the grapevine" She replied.

"Christian and I will be taking things slow for right now. I know that this might seem a bit odd, but can i stay with you and Elliot for a while?" I asked

"Sure" Kate answered "Why are you not going back home to Christian?"

"It's still a bit complicated" I said trying to be vague.

"Whatever you need Ana, you know i'm here for you" Kate said "I'll make sure there is room here, do you need a ride?"

"That would be great, if it's not too much trouble" I said

"For you anything" Kate gleamed "I'll make sure that he treats you right"

"Thank you so much Kate" I gushed "I just need time to think"

"Are you thinking of divorce?" Kate asked "After you moved i thought for sure that you and Christian were through? However he seemed determined to get you back and now here you are"

"I haven't decided yet" I said honestly

"I'm just going to finish up here and i'll start the long drive down to your place in Spokane. I will let you know when i get close" Kate said

"Thank you" I answered.

I Got off the phone with Kate. I felt more at ease after our conversation. I had a place to go, for now. I looked over at Stacey, who was sitting in the living room watching tv. I had made some amazing connections over the past 4 months, and some amazing experiences. I had not regrets about how things turned out. The reason that i wanted to go back to Seattle was to see if Christian was truly seeking healing and trying to change or if he just wanted his wife home to feed his sexual desires.

Christian

For the first time since Ana left i felt like there was a glimmer of hope. Would she agree to be my wife again? or would she ask for a divorce? All the money in the world could not buy companionship and love. I wanted her to come home to me. My desires to punish women that looked like my mother were still there, but i was determined control them. I exercised control in every part of my life. I expected to be taking Ana on the flight home with me but she had refused. She was still angry, maybe she needed time. As long as she remained mine, my heart and soul could breath a sign of relief. Taylor came to pick me up from the Airport as i had requested.

"Where is Mrs. Grey?" Taylor asked confused.

"She didn't want to come back with me Taylor" I confessed.

"I'm really sorry to here that Sir" Taylor empathized "Do you want to go home?"

"Yes please!" I answered.

"I know it's been hard on you these past four months but i believe she will come back" Taylor reassured me.

"I hope so" I sighed "She's my soulmate, there is no one else for me"

"I understand" Taylor agreed

Taylor didn't continue to make small talk. He knew that i was a man of few words. Taylor's reassurance and kind words had gotten me through these past months more than he realizes. I knew that Ana would be skeptical about my ability to change. I wanted to be a better man, not just for her but for myself. My soul needed healing. I didn't want to just tell her that i had changed. I wanted her to see it. I was seeing a psychologist regularly. He had recommended that I stop all contact with Elena. I was surprised how little i missed her. I thought that she was a source of comfort but she only served to bring me back to my darkness. I needed Ana, she was my light. Taylor dropped me off at the apartment. I felt exhausted psychologically and emotionally. I needed sleep desperately. I walked into the apartment, forcing myself to brush my teeth and change my clothes. i entered my bedroom, collapsing on top of the blue silk sheets. Seeing Ana only made me want her more. I know that she felt controlled. As much as he was killing me, i will wait for her to contact me. Showing her that i could give her some space would be my first step to showing her i could still be the man she needed me to be.

 

Kate arrived 3 hours later. I felt like a nervous wreck. All my clothing and personal items were packed and ready to go by the door when Kate arrive. Stacey and Kate helped me pile all my bags into the trunk of her blue Nissan maxima.

"Are you ready, Ana?" Kate asked

"I think that i have to be" I answered with uncertainty

"Good luck, Ana. I hope things work out for you" Stacey said walking back to the house

Kate and I got into the car and drove off. She stopped at a drive-thru for coffee before heading on to the highway. Going back to Seattle was going to be challenging. Would i be able to get my job back at SIP or would i have to job hunt again? What kind of tactics was Christian going to try on me once i was back in Seattle? All of it scared me? My heart was beating out of my chest for most of the drive back to Seattle. was glad that i had Kate to talk to, she was such a great listener.

"I'm scared, Kate?" I said "I don't know if Christian is ready right now"

"Your doing the right thing. You are taking things slow. I was relieved when you called me about staying with Elliot and I because i didn't want you living with Christian" Kate replied.

"Your support is everything for me Kate" i answered "How is Elliot and Mia taking the break-up between me and Christian?"

"They don't have any of the details. They want things to go back to normal. Christian's issues are a mystery to everyone"

"The depth of his pain was more than i imagined" I said feeling tears well up in my eyes.

Kate wrapped her arms around me "You are strong and will overcome this. If your love is meant to be, the man you fell in love with will return" Kate reassured me.

Kate and I didn't arrive at her place till late in the day. We both agreed that stopping wasn't necessary, she wanted to be home in time to see Elliot when he came home from work. She showed me the guest room that i would be staying in. There was a single bed and dresser. The room was an off white color and small, but in my mind it was perfect. A place where i could collect my thoughts. A fortress of solitude. I unpacked all my items placing my clothes in the drawers. I placed my hygiene items on top of the dresser but a majority of my things i left in bags under my bed. I wasn't sure how long my stay would be.

Christian

I felt like a complete monster. I loved Ana, what was i doing. My physical desires and needs could surely be controlled. I was so used to getting exactly what i wanted i forgot what it was like to think of others, especially Ana. I wanted Ana to love me. I'm sure that she hates me for all my selfish ways. Lina's reject stung like walking on hot coals. I needed to find myself again. i needed to see Dr. _ , i needed a guide. I felt like i was spiralling out of control. I knew that i needed help. Could i be fixed? will i be a sexual deviant forever? Ana wanted a normal relationship, but here i was looking for a woman to whip. I needed to feel better and hitting a vulnerable naked woman always seemed to fill that void. When i met Ana i knew that there was hope, but apart of me wanted to keep my BDSM fantasies. I could not have both. I needed to choose, Ana or to follow my fantasies. It was wrong to approach Lina the way that i did. Why was i sabotaging my chances with Ana. Did i feel that there was no hope? Or was it because i thought that i could take home Lina without Ana knowing? I needed to speak to Dr. Engel.

"Hi It's Christian Grey. Is Dr. Engel available for an emergency appointment" I asked.

"I could get you in for 2 pm. Does that fit in to your schedule?" replied the secretary typing furiously.

"I can" I answered

"Great! see you at 2pm" She said before hanging up the phone.

I'll feel better once i speak to Dr. Engel.

I walked into Dr. Engel office to check in, before i could sit down in the waiting room Dr. _ came out to greet me. My body relaxed as soon as i saw him. I had so much baggage to of load.

"Come right in" Dr. Engel said motioning for me to walk into his office.

"Thank you for seeing me on short notice" I replied.

"What can i help you with?" He asked closing the door and motioning for me to sit on the couch.

"I think that i ruined my marriage" I said starting to pace.

"Why do you feel that way Christian?" He asked calmly "What happened?"

"I got desperate" I began "I called Lina"

"Why did you call Lina, What made you seek her out?" Dr. Engel asked

"I've been feeling so angry and frustrated" I replied.

"Are you angry at Ana because she left you? or are you angry because you can't control her" He asked me.

"I don't know" i sighed through clenched teeth. "Maybe i'm just fucked up sicko that doesn't deserve love. Especially not from Ana"

"Everyone deserves love, Christian. It doesn't matter who they are or what they have done" Dr. Engel replied.

"I don't think that she will take me back" I cried pressing my fingers through my hair. I stood up, no longer able to sit in the chair. My body was shaking from internal stress.

"Didn't she move back to Seattle?" asked

"Yes but she's not coming home" I exclaimed "She's at Kate's and who knows what kind of crazy shit she told Kate about me"

"Did you stop all communication with Elena?" Dr. Engel asked

"Yes" I replied pacing around the room "I haven't spoke to her in 3 months. I miss it at times but i'm doing fine without her. I need Ana."

"I think what you need to do is speak to Ana. Tell her how you feel. Tell her about your meeting with Lina. She needs to see progress, she needs to see that you regret it. You are a tortured man, but you are not without hope" Dr. Engel said

His words resonated with me. I knew that he was right. I need to tell Ana, give her the option to come back to me. If she can support me and work with me i knew that i could overcome this pain.


	7. First day back at SIP

I woke up the next morning with a fresh mind ready to start my day. I had made myself a To-Do list before i went to bed to make sure that i had all my basis covered. First thing i needed was a job. I was initially hesitant about trying to get my job back at SIP but i loved my job and i wanted to go back there if i could. I took a deep breath and decided to call Christian. After all he was my boss's boss's boss, he could have me reinstated if he wanted to. I wouldn't get my job back if i didn't ask, so i gave him a call.

RING!

"Good Morning Anastasia" Greeted Christian

"Good morning, Christian. I need to ask you for something" I replied trying to get to the point.

"What can i do for you?" Christian hesitated "Are you asking me for your job back at SIP?"

"Yes i am" I answered "You read my mind"

"It's not hard. You need a job and i know you deeply regret leaving" Christian replied "Take the rest of the week off and I will let the know you will be starting back as fiction editor on Monday"

"Is it just that easy?" I asked "isn't there someone covering. Don't they need to be notified?"

"The job has always been yours. When you left, the staff was a both shocked and confused. They wanted answers. I told them that you were studying overseas. I can assure you that you will not feel out of place or embarrassed once you return" Christian explained.

I was not at all thrilled with what Christian had done. He lied to the staff without telling me. He wanted to avoid the embarrassment of tell everyone that i left him, it was more about him than me. He certainly wasn't doing it for my benefit. Sometimes i hated how he turned a controlling action into a unique way of "taking care of me". I needed a job right away, so my old fiction editor job would do. I was nervous about Christian making surprise appearances. He tended to be over baring. He has embarrassed me more than once during a meeting and that was when our relationship was better. If our relationship is going to work he is going to need to stop trying to control me, plain and simple.

Christian said that i could start my job on Monday but i was still nervous as hell. I wondered what everyone would say. What everyone would think. Would everyone buy Christian's story about me leaving to study overseas? I wanted to work in a place where Christian wasn't my boss but SIP was the best publishing house in Seattle. I knew that any job that i pursued would be with a smaller publishing house and the pay would be much less. Christian probably knew that too, again Christian found a way to exert his control over me. He was suffocating me, but at this point i needed his help.

I spent over an hour getting ready, trying to look presentable. I didn't want to attract more attention that i already had. I felt like i was in a trace as i drove my car to SIP for the first time in 4 months. Carefully practicing what i would say to each question that i was anticipating. I walked into the building, head held high, heels clacking with each step. I sighed deeply before entering the building, I felt like all eyes were on me as i walked to my old office at the end of the office. Not one employee said a word to me as i walked into the office. They all seemed to preoccupied to care. I closed the door taking another deep breath before completely closing the door behind me. Looking around i could see that with the exception of a few manuscripts it was just as i left it. Was this Christian's doing i wonder? I walked over to my old desk running my fingers across the surface. No dust! Someone has been at this desk recently.

"Can i get you a coffee Mrs. Grey?" Hannah asked opening the door a crack

"Sure" I answered "2 cream"

"Sure thing Mrs. Grey" Hannah replied closing the door "Just to let you know there are 3 scripts for you too read on your desk. I can book an appointment with the authors if you want to go forward"

"Yeah! Thank you Hannah" I said looking down at my desk.

"Welcome back by the way" She said before shutting the door.

After a few hours i realized that coming back to SIP wasn't as bad as i thought. i sat at my desk trying to sort out my manuscripts and projects. I spent my first day prioritizing my reading and requesting samples from authors to review. I decided that i would read them when i was at home. It was easier to concentrate that way. I found myself flowing back into my job so easily. I loved my work and i was so grateful to be back. Reading was something that i was passionate about. So few people get the chance to have a job that they love and i was one of those people. I felt so blessed. Hannah came in with my coffee 20 min later.

"Your coffee?" Hannah said opening the door a crack

"You can come in, don't be shy" I replied.

"What did you take?" Hannah asked placing the coffee on the edge of my desk.

"What?" I asked wrinkling my face in confusion.

"In school" Hannah clarified.

"Oh Yes!" I agreed "Ummmm Literature. It was a special literature class"

"Really? What class" Hannah asked curiously "I took a year in France"

"Oh! i was in Spain. It was a Spanish Literature class" I lied

"You'll have to tell me later? Sounds really interesting" Hannah said with a smile.

"Yeah sure!" I agreed "Thank you for the coffee"

I felt bad about lying, but i was more angry with Christian for putting me in this position. I was frustrated with Christian but i wasn't one to hold on to my anger. I packed up at 4 pm making sure to grab the manuscripts i wanted to read over the evening. I walked out of the building feeling the summer breeze brush against my face. I looked around the parking lot half expecting Christian to appear. My paranoia was on high alert. He was not far from my office and i knew that he would be keeping close tabs on me. I went over to my car, my heels clacking as i walked. I got into my car and checked my phone. There were several texts from Christian, my heart sank and my body filled with dread. What did he want now.

How is your first day back?

I Miss you!

Would you have dinner with me?

Christian

I will have dinner with you  
Ana

7 pm?

Christian

Your place or mine

Ana

Your place.

Christian

How should i dress?

Ana

Comfortable

Christian

Comfortable? What does that mean exactly? Comfortable is my pajamas. Our relationship was very rocky so it was fair to assume that he was looking to impress me. I should probably dress like i'm going to meet the queen and see what happens. The one person that i missed and i have not spoken to in a while was my mom. I missed her but i had avoided talking to her about Christian because i didn't want her to think poorly of him. All couples have their share of problems and i felt that it would be a violation of trust for me to discuss details with friends or family. I was nervous and excited at the same time. I wonder what Christian has in store for me this time.

Christian

I had Elliot call me as soon as Kate got back home with Ana. I felt a mixture of relief and nervousness but i felt like i was ready to start working on our relationship. I wanted Ana home so badly, but i didn't want her to feel like a prisoner. I wanted a woman that i was ecstatic to see me, not one that cowered in fear. I was expecting her to call about her job at SIP. Ana was quite predictable at times. I wanted to show her that i was a team player. I had made sure that the job of fiction editor was being covered momentarily. The permanent position remained open just in case Ana came back for it. She was my wife and i bought the company because it was her dream job. There was no one else that i wanted in that position but her.

I made sure that i was going to intense therapy with Dr. Engel. I didn't want Ana waiting years for someone that she could love and trust. I felt as though i was in danger of losing her. I would do anything to prevent her from leaving again. I needed her to feel whole. She loved me like no one else. I may be the dominant in our relationship but she dominated my feelings. She was in control of me and she didn't even know it. I needed to call her, make contact. I texted her towards the end of the day. I didn't want to have dinner alone again.

How is your first day back? I miss you. Would you have dinner with me?I texted.

Yes, Your place or mine? She messaged back

I'll pick you up at 7 pm I texted back

I had a date. I felt like a teenage taking a girl out for the first time. I smiled to myself. Things were starting to look up.


	8. Date with Christian

Ana POV

I shouldn't be so nervous to have dinner with my husband. I was staring at my closet trying to decide what to wear. Was he expecting a formal meeting or was he trying to be more down-to-earth? I settled on a dark blue knee length dress with black 3' heels. If we went somewhere formal i would fit in but it wasn't over the top by any means. I put some light make-up on so that i felt more presentable. Knowing Christian he would arrive early and expect me to be ready. I looked down at my phone 6:30 pm. He would be here any minute. I looked outside my bedroom window. A light blue Honda civic pulled up out front. Doesn't really seem like his style, i wonder what his angle is? I ran downstairs grabbing my purse along the way.

"Have fun on your date with Christian" Kate said sipping a cup of tea from the couch.

"I will" I answered slightly startled by her presence.

"He loves you, you know" Kate said

"I know. I think it will take more than love to repair this though" I replied.

"When two hearts want to be with each other they will find a way" She commented

"I wish i shared your optimism" I answered cracking a slight smile "I'll be back before midnight i'm sure"

"Should i send a search party if you aren't" She said trying to make light of the situation.

"Yes" I laughed opening the front door.

Christian watched me get into the passenger seat of the car. He didn't try to embrace me with affection, instead he treated me like a client at a business meeting.

"Did you first day back at SIP go well?" He asked before turning the car over.

"I was nervous but it seems to be exactly like it was before" I answered.

"I was hoping everything would go well" Christian said

"Where are we going?" I asked

"It's a surprise! or do you not like surprises anymore" Christian responded.

"I do" I answered "But it depends on what it is. I suppose"

"Do you trust me?" Christian asked seriously.

"I'm not sure anymore but i'm willing to let you take control of our evening" I replied honestly.

"Ok! I'll take that" Christian said.

Christian put the pedal to the medal. I could tell that my words had hit a cord. He was angry. I decided to be honest, he needed to know how i felt at that moment. If we don't communicate how can anything get better. Christian pulled into a back alley. He slowed his driving down to a crawl, finally pulling into a parking stall behind a strip mall. He turned off the engine. Looking at with sincerity and hope in his eyes.

"I want to change. I've been working hard on myself and i will continue to do so till i can be the husband you need" He said adamantly.

"You are the husband i need, you just need time to heal" I responded.

"Let's go inside and have dinner, my love" He said opening the car door for me.

"Let's" I agreed

We walked together into the restaurant. I wove my finger tips into his to show him my support. We would get there and we would get there together.

Christian POV

I dressed in a dress shirt and black pants. I wanted to look like i cared. I was trying to win back my wife's heart. She was kind, down-to-earth, and sweet. I had to make sure that i wasn't dressed to go to a board meeting. I showered and got dressed then walked over to my rack of car keys. I started at the wall combing through each key trying to thing about which car would suit this situation. A Honda civic seems more her style. I wanted her to look at me with love and not as a money tree. I picked up the keys to the Civic and headed down to the parking garage. She would be expecting me early, after all i had a reputation of punctuality. I pulled up outside of Kate and Elliot's place at 6:30 pm. I sat in the car practicing what i would say to Ana when i saw her. She didn't keep me waiting long, she walked out in a cute blue dress. I wanted to peel that dress off of her and make love to her in the back seat of the car but i had to be on my best behaviour. I had to have her trust first. I had to work for it.

"Did you first day back at SIP go well?" I started.

"I was nervous but it seems to be exactly as it was before" She said without looking up at me.

Why was she being so fucking difficult. Didn't she know what i was before she married me? I put all my cards on the table before we were committed to each other in holy matrimony. This felt like a total manipulation tactic. She was toying with my emotions. Was i not enough for her? Was she looking for reason's to give up on our love? We will see how this date plays out. Maybe my marriage is already over.

"Do you trust me?" I asked silently desperate for a 'Yes' to escape her lips.

"I'm not sure anymore but i'm willing to let you take control of our evening" She replied.

"I'll take that" I answered without thinking.

I still felt unsatisfied. She was looking at me as though i was a monster. I performed some uncomfortable BDSM stuff on her months ago. How could it have been that traumatic for her. She was definitely playing this up to get some sympathy from me. How could i have not seen her manipulation before we got married. I'm already invested in the date, i might as well finish it.

I pulled into the little italian place that i had made reservations for. I wanted something less flashy, so we would have a quiet place to talk. I still needed to come clean about going to see Lina. I knew i was in the wrong, i needed her forgiveness. I needed her to work with me. I'm not a perfect man. I looked deeply into her warm blue eyes before speaking from my heart.

"I want to change. I've been working hard on myself and i will continue to do so till i can be the husband you need" I declared.

"You are the husband i need, you just need time to heal" She responded.

Maybe this marriage is salvageable. Maybe Ana will forgive me and give me another chance. Another chance to treat her right. She slid her hand under mine. I knew in that moment that she was willing to meet me half-way.


	9. Let's talk about Lina

Ana POV

His comment seemed so cryptic. He seemed to be looking for reassurance that divorce was not on the horizon. I could tell that he needed to tell me something. He hesitated as though deep in thought at periods, as we walked to the small Italian restaurant. Has he been with someone else? Was he sleeping with someone else now? I knew that i would be devastated is that were true, I needed to give him a chance to explain himself. He waited for the waiter to seat us and serve our drinks before starting the conversation that we both seemed to be dreading.

"Ana, before we start i want you to know that i when you left it crushed me psychologically. I didn't realize how deranged i was. However, I have had some time to reflect on myself but there were points where i was angry and hurt. I made some mistakes" Christian started.

"What kind of mistakes?" I asked feeling a sickness brewing in my stomach.

"I contacted one of my submissive's two months ago" he confessed.

I had no words for the pain his words were causing me. I sat there in shock barely breathing. Tears welled up in my eyes till there was a steady stream running down my face. I wanted to vomit but i couldn't. Instantly, I felt uncomfortable sitting across from him. I was gone for such a short period of time, how could he do that? I thought that it was I that had changed him. Clearly, he had not changed at all. Could I get past this? Was our marriage worth saving?

"Did you fuck her?" I asked lowering my tone of voice to almost a whisper.

"No I didn't" Christian answered quickly.

"Do you have any proof of this?" I asked.

"Where am I going to get proof?" Christian asked outraged.

"How can i know that you are telling the truth? The moment that I'm not around your looking a woman to punish. I was gone for only 4 months what other confessions do you have for me" I cried

"That's it Ana. I've been working. I don't know if your aware but a managing a billion dollar company is a lot of work" Christian shot back.

The waiter took a look at Christian then at me, immediately noticing that he was interrupting a heated discussion.

"Should I come back in a few minutes" the Waiter asked

"No it's fine. I know what i want. I'll have the tortellini" I answered turning my attention to the waiter.

"I'll have the Carbonara and a bottle of your best wine" Christian replied turning his gaze to the waiter as well.

"OK! I'll be right back" The waiter stated putting his pad of paper back into his pocket.

I drilled my pale blue eyes into Christian's, giving him all of my attention. I wanted him to know I was serious and that his behavior was not tolerated. Would our relationship survive this? I wanted to try. His saving grace was that he didn't actually sleep with her. If he had I would be calling a lawyer as we speak. I was willing to talk and have dinner with him, that alone was my non-verbal cue that I was willing to work on things.

"I want ALL the details. If this is going to work then you need to be open and honest with me" I stated

"Ana it's not as bad as it sounds" Christian defended

"Then tell me. I'm listening" I demanded.

"I looked up her old file. I found out where she was working i went to see her. I wanted to know if she was interested in a similar arrangement that we had before" I explained.

"What kind of arrangement?" I cried.

"She would come over on the Friday. I would strip her down. Use whips and flogs on her. I wanted to pretend that she was my mother" I answered softly.

"That's so sick Christian. I thought that we were past that" I sobbed.

"You were gone Ana. I wasn't sure if I would ever see you again. What was i suppose to do?" He exclaimed.

'How about use some of your money to get a good psychiatrist?" I suggested.

The waiter came with our entree's. Christian and I sat in silence as he placed the dishes in front of Christian first then me.

"Is there anything else i can get for you?" He asked

"No! We're good" Christian responded sounding irritated.

"Ana I didn't sleep with her" Christian said with reassurance.

"You would have if she had given you the opportunity though" I answered.

"All i wanted was to flog her and whip her. I wasn't planning on sleeping with her" Christian pleaded.

"I can't believe that you would do that after only 2 months. I thought it would take longer than that to get over me. I guess i was right, eventually you would get bored of me" I sobbed.

"I'm not bored with you Ana. I was just lost" He answered "Let me make it up to you"

"How? Money won't fix this" I said

"I know that, Ana. I wanted you to know what i did. I want to fix this. No secrets!" Christian begged.

"I can't trust you right now. You understand that right?" I said "What's her name?"

"Lina Maxwell. She works at 'The Pink Door'. She is finishing law school" Christian offered.

"Did you pay for her education?" I asked

"Some of it" He answered in shame

"I'm too sick to eat this" I said looking down at my plate of tortellini

"Would you like some wine instead" Christian offered pouring the red liquid into the empty wine glass.

I was out of my mind. I felt like i was no longer in control of my body. My emotions had taken over. I took the glass of wine from Christian and drank the entire glass in one gulp. Christian sat in shock. I wasn't much of a drinker but my entire body wanted to be numb in that moment. The pain in my heart was more than i could bare. The love of my life, my husband. The man that i swore i would love and take care of no matter what had violated our sacred trust. I felt as though our vows meant nothing to him. Two months was all it took for him to go crawling back to one of his previous submissive's arms.

"i want to go home, Christian " i cried

"Are you divorcing me?" He asked

"I don't know" I answered

Christian flagged down the waitress and had our meals placed in to-go containers. I poured myself another glass of wine and downed it before we left the restaurant. I felt instantly drunk. i grabbed the table for support. Christian ran over to help me to the car. I felt so embarrassed for myself. I hope he had the sense to take me home. I just wanted to sleep and forget our date. He walked me to the car and placed me gently into the front seat. I let my lifeless body flop into the front seat. Christian secured my seatbelt, then got into the driver's side and started the car.

Christian POV

How would she react? I was mentally committed to coming clean about Lina. Tonight was the night! She would either leave me or support me. I didn't want to keep this bottled up inside any longer. I waited till we were seated with drinks to start my confession.

"Ana, before we start i want you to know that i when you left it crushed me psychologically. I didn't realize how deranged i was. I have had some time to reflect on myself but there were points where i was angry and hurt. I made some mistakes" I started.

I expected anger. She stopped in her tracks as though she was in shock, tears started to stream down her pale face. I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt and remorse.

"What kind of mistakes?" She asked softly.

"I contacted one of my submissive's two month's ago" I replied.

I watched as her body stiffen and tears welled up and ran down her race like waterfalls. All i wanted to do was hug her. I could see that pain in her eyes and it was all caused by me. I never wanted to make her cry. I hung my head in guilt, hoping that she could find it in her heart to forgive my selfish mistake. My only saving grace was my honesty. As hard as it was to come clean with her i was glad that i told her.

"Did you fuck her?" She asked softly, seething with anger.

"No i didn't" I replied.

"Do you have proof of this?" She asked.

"Where am i going to get proof?" I asked.

My mind was always torn between my anger and my love. I was angry that i had to give up being a dominant because Ana didn't want to play along. I felt that i deserved to have my playroom and a wife that could find a healthy compromise. I didn't want to live a life of denial so that she could have a normal husband.

"I want ALL the details. If this is going to work then you need to be open and honest with me" She demanded.

"Ana it's not as bad as it sounds" I said

"Then tell me. I'm listening" She demanded.

I tried to explain myself to her but i could tell that her emotions were on high and she was not hearing a word i was saying. I felt like a blade was twisting in my heart. I had hurt the one person that i cared about the most. I regretted ever going to see Lina. I pleaded with her i wasn't getting anywhere. She needed time to think.

She argued while i pleaded for her forgiveness. She had depleted her reserves. She needed to go home and rest. I didn't want to push things any further. I wasn't expecting a good reaction. I was glad that i had a chance to tell her what happened so that i didn't have to bottle up my guilt any longer. I tried to offer her a glass of wine. She grabbed it and drank it in one sip. she didn't drink much. I knew that she would be tipsy after drinking the glass that fast. Drinking wasn't going to make any of this go away but i could understand her sentiment. Just before we left the restaurant i saw Ana drink a second glass of wine in one gulp. My guilt turned to concern. She held the table to stabilize herself. I ran over to where she was standing.

"Let me help you, Ana" I pleaded

"Ughhh" She moaned.

I wrapped my hands around her waist and walk her out to the car. i grabbed her with one arm and the food with the other. My hands were full. We stopped at the car, i placed the food on top of the hood. Ana seemed out of it. The wine had hit her hard and fast. I placed her limp body in the front passenger seat of the car, securing the seatbelt in place. I took a deep breath and got into the car.


End file.
